This Is Why U Smoke

Cristiano Ronaldo. What is there left to say after his lack of...

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 19:35:03 -0400

Cristiano Ronaldo. What is there left to say after his lack of performance during Portugal’s loss to Spain just hours ago? First off, man up, step-up, and take the penalty kick.

Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t smoke because he’s indecisive. U smoke because it exemplifies freedom. U smoke because it represents winning. U smoke because your team just lost to Spain.

John quit smoking 20 years ago, but just got called a pussy for...

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:26:38 -0400

John quit smoking 20 years ago, but just got called a pussy for saying no.

John smokes because he never turns down a challenge. U smoke because you’d never say no to a cigarette.

How was I raised? On the motto— “must be brown...

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:23:16 -0400

How was I raised?

On the motto— “must be brown can’t be green self-rolled self-help.”

Sit down, stand up, relax, smile, and laugh. U smoke for the memories, and I smoke to you.

It’s a bonding thing that cannot be explained until...

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:20:30 -0400

It’s a bonding thing that cannot be explained until you’ve experience it.

They smoke in honor of friendship. U smoke because you too enjoy friendship and the strength in male bonding.

Go forth and smoke my children. And that is exactly what Pope...

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:18:35 -0400

Go forth and smoke my children. And that is exactly what Pope Benedict did.

Pope Benedict smokes because he is a man of God and so are U.

Like father like son. There’s only one thing his son...

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 14:45:52 -0400

Like father like son. There’s only one thing his son lacks— an equally impressive mustache.

U smoke because your father does.

His wife [a non-smoker] of 50 years told him to stop smoking...

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 14:43:29 -0400

His wife [a non-smoker] of 50 years told him to stop smoking because it was going to kill him. She died 17 years ago.

His secret to living long? The three S’s— scotch, smoking, and sex.

U smoke because you too want to live a long and fulfilling life. Fuck what your wife says.

“That soldier raped me! There…the man right...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 21:13:20 -0400

“That soldier raped me! There…the man right there… he also stole my cigarettes.” -Inaccurate quote from Sadam Hussein

U smoke because you’re an American that hates Saddam Hussein.

He was the first American soldier to step foot on the ground...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 21:10:30 -0400

He was the first American soldier to step foot on the ground during Iraqi Freedom.

“Private, smoking is bad for you and is known to cause cancer.” -News correspondent

“Fuck cancer. I just killed 19 terrorists and sodomized Sadam without a condom.” -Pvt.

U smoke because you respect our soldiers and you also say fuck cancer when someone says smoking is bad for you.

I retract my last statement. Do not smoke if you look like this.

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 21:03:36 -0400

I retract my last statement.

Do not smoke if you look like this.

That smurf just called you a puss. U smoke because you’re...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 21:00:00 -0400

That smurf just called you a puss.

U smoke because you’re no puss and you sure as hell aren’t being shown up by a smurf.

Smoke because it’s what your 1940s doctor ordered.

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 20:57:39 -0400

Smoke because it’s what your 1940s doctor ordered.

Do you trust this woman? I don’t. I was raised to never...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 20:55:00 -0400

Do you trust this woman? I don’t. I was raised to never trust a politician that (a) wore christmas sweaters and (b) was a politician. I was also raised to ask a politician trying to quit if he or she wanted a cigarette. She wants one, but she wouldn’t dare to smoke it while in public.

U smoke because you can, U smoke because you’re a true American that doesn’t hide behind lies and smiles. Maybe if Hillary smoked more, her daughter would have come out attractive.

I once was asked why I hate women that wear crocs. See...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 20:48:45 -0400

I once was asked why I hate women that wear crocs. See picture—no description needed.

U smoke because you need to after realizing I just posted a picture of your girlfriend.

“The man that runs this tumblr gives great advice....

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 20:44:00 -0400

“The man that runs this tumblr gives great advice. I’ve always questioned a man that wore crocs. I started smoking this cigar immediately.” -Inaccurate quote from Sasha “The Dictator” Cohen.

U smoke because “The Dictator” said so.

This man is wearing crocs and looks like a pedophile....

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 20:42:58 -0400

This man is wearing crocs and looks like a pedophile. Don’t wear crocs and don’t look like a pedophile.

U smoke because you don’t want to resemble this man.

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:00:07 -0400

Just saw Prometheus this weekend so I’m going with Robots.

Guys- Would you smoke if you were a male actor in Twilight? I...

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 16:37:26 -0400

Guys-

Would you smoke if you were a male actor in Twilight? I would.

U smoke because you enjoy it. Rob smokes because he thinks it’ll make him look manly. Keep trying Rob.

Some people that call themselves experts say that mothers...

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 16:25:21 -0400

Some people that call themselves experts say that mothers shouldn’t smoke. I think those experts should go fuck themselves.

U smoke because you’re pro choice.

My grandson once told me to stop smoking. I slapped him and took...

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 16:22:18 -0400

My grandson once told me to stop smoking. I slapped him and took him out of my will for being a pussy.

U smoke because you don’t want grandpa taking you out of his will for being anything less than a man.